...

An end to an almost 2 years dry spell with bad sex.

Yes, so I slept with you. How was it? Bad. Did I have fun? No. So I had some expectations. But I most certainly wasn't prepared for such a huge disappointment. It almost felt like we didn't have sex at all. Hell, I had more fun just making out with you.

And how did I feel aftermath? I actually don't feel anything. I thought I might feel a little something to a certain extent. Used, hurt, want, longing, jealousy, hate, shame, guilt. But... niente. I feel nothing. It's almost like I can have sex like a man. I wonder if I can.

I don't feel used. Cos it was a 2 way street. I wanted you as much as you had wanted me.

I'm not hurt. Cos you don't mean anything to me.

I don't long for nor want more. I don't long for nor want you. Cos it wasn't good.

I thought I'd be jealous of your girlfriend but I'm not. Cos you still don't mean anything to me even after sex. (I thought being the girl I am, you might mean more to me after sex.)

I don't hate you cos I didn't care for you in the first place. I don't hate myself for doing what I did cos I didn't get hurt in the process. I don't even hate you for leaving right after and for not calling. Cos I had expected nothing of you. It was rude, yes. But I guess somewhere deep down, I knew it was coming.

I'm not ashamed and I feel no guilt. Cos that's for you to feel.

Now, will I still talk to you? Will I still be friends with you? I don't know. I don't know if I want to. For throwing my friends out, for leaving right after, and for not calling, I feel I should (rightfully?) cut all contacts with you (as a reasonable, practical and logical person?). But on the other hand... on the other hand... I usually only do that if I'm angry or hurt. Which I'm not. So we'll see.